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An increasing number of stories about parents using public humiliation as a form of punishment are popping up in the news. In the latest incident to make headlines, a Denver mother shared a video of herself shaming her 13-year-old daughter for posing as an adult on Facebook.
Val Starks was outraged when she learned her daughter secretly opened a Facebook account, lying about her age and uploading a profile image of herself wearing only a bra.
The mother was even more irate when she saw that men were approaching her “19-year-old” daughter on the social media site.
As punishment, Starks gave her daughter the option to either get spanked or make a video that she’d post online, according to ABC News. Her daughter opted for the video.
The five-minute clip is difficult to watch as the mother berates and shames her daughter, using a stern and loud voice. She forces the girl to look at the camera and admit that she’s only 13 years old, not 19.
“Why does you’re Facebook page say you’re 19 when you’re only 13?” the moms says. “Anybody who’s her friend who’s a man might want to delete her. She’s a kid and she’s going to stay a kid and as long as she’s under my roof she’s going to do what I say.”
The mom goes on to announce that the girl is going to sit all summer long and only read books and think about how she’s never going to be on Facebook again. She says that she’s not going to watch any TV and all her new clothes will be returned.
Starks’ daughter eventually breaks down into tears and begs to not go to school on Monday as she fears the reaction from friends who will have seen the video.
Starks told ABC that while she has received some negative reaction to the video, she has also heard from people from all over the world who’ve applauded her tough parenting approach.
The mother, who’s a cosmetology student, posted a follow up video on Monday, in which she talks about spending nearly eight months in jail for marijuana trafficking. Starks doesn’t want her daughter to make the same mistakes.
“I’m an adult who made a bad decision and I had to suffer the consequences, and I’m still suffering the consequences,” she says in the video. “And you’re a kid who made a bad decision and there are consequences to that.”
In the past couple years, the media has covered many instances of parents using public humiliation as a way to teach their children meaningful lessons. Parents have done everything from force their kids to stand on street corners holding signs reading “I am a bully” to posting humiliating images on their children’s Facebook pages.
A debate is unfolding over whether this type of punishment is effective. Child psychologists most often advise against it. “Public shaming may be effective in teaching our children what specific behavior they should stay away from in the future to avoid future humiliation,” Jennifer A. Leigh, Psy.D., told She Knows Parenting. “However, shaming can damage the parent-child relationship. Children quickly learn they cannot trust their parents. Children need to feel safe and secure and to be able to trust their parents.”
What do you think? Is it an effective or hurtful discipline technique?
Publicly shaming kids, both online and offline, is the latest parenting trend. Take a look at these examples that made national news.
When parents discipline kids through public humiliation
